Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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