He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
