VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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