So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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