Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
