I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
