I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
