omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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