Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
