Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
