Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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