Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
