didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
