Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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