Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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