Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
