dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
organizing the empties. That sober.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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