i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
