How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
