My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
