There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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