living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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