the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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