so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
