I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize