STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
tell me about the eggs
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