God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
