The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
