If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
