it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
