Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
