I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
