i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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