New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
