thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
