My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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