these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
