I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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