amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
