Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
