i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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