Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
