haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
