she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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