I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
