Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
