Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
