he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
