I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
