In America we eat man semen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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