you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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