She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
