I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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