mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
