I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
