I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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