he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
